I was able to get an appointment on Monday with a perinatal specialist that I was referred to and Jason was able to change his flight home to join me at my appointment.
We sat in the ultrasound room with the ultrasound tech for a very long time looking at our baby on the screen and wondering if she was ok. She took us through a lot of measurements and told us a lot of things that it didn't look like our baby had. We were feeling pretty optimistic until the doctor came in. He sat down, looked at the monitor for a few seconds and declared that although the baby's development was on course at this point, she had a "severe case of fetal hydrocephalus." He then proceeded to point out a black mass of fluid in her head where her brain should have been.
The doctor asked if we had questions - which we really couldn't wrap our minds around. He outlined options for us - terminate the pregnancy, more test to rule out other birth defects, etc. I was prepared for the question of terminating the pregnancy; Jason was not. I had read about it on several blogs over the weekend. However, terminating the pregnancy was not an option in our minds. We initially decided to opt out of more tests at that point and take a wait and see approach. Most of the tests offered were to discuss causes and try to get a clearer picture of her possible prognosis. However, since none of these would change my prenatal care at this point, we did not feel the need to pursue.
We held most of our tears until we made it to our car. I will never forget what Jason said as we struggled to pull ourselves together: "She may not be perfect, but she'll be perfect for us." And he's right.
We knew that we would need an inordinate amount of strength to get through this journey and that we could not do it alone.
Isaiah 41:10 Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
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