Eight days a week ...

The line from the legendary Beatles track has been in my head all day. Other songs have been in my head, but that isn't anything new when you consider how spastic my mind can be.

Today was Lucy's eighth day on this earth and it's been a real blessing to look over her little face, with a cute dimple on her right cheek and just wonder what her life will be filled with.

As Abby said the other day, Lucy had a CT scan on Wednesday and we found out this morning that the condition we only knew about before her birth has not been a major factor. It's been a real relief to know her hydrocephalus hasn't progressed and she doesn't need surgery now or in the immediate future. However, she might eventually need to have the shunt implanted later on, so we'll be keeping a watchful eye on how the fluid in her little head accumulates.

For Abby and I, this was a huge relief, not a total weight off our shoulders, but it takes one potential problem out of the picture, at least for a few months.

Five years ago, I never thought I'd end up getting married, let alone have a child who will depend on my care. I always wanted to get married and have kids, but the thought of it really did frighten me. This is why Abby, the rock that she is, has been the best person to share my life with.

Her parents came in on Monday and left today. They didn't seem like they wanted to leave. Harv, the normally mustached father-in-law, was tall and quiet as he watched Lucy in her little crib in the NICU. We still think it might be a number of weeks before we get to bring her home. I'm ballparking after I return from the Olympics in London.

We've started reading to her during the night care. Tonight, we're staying at the Ronald McDonald House a few blocks from the hospital. This place really caters to parents and the issues that arise with pregnancy. This place is nothing short of remarkable. This is definitely a charity we will be donating to in the future.

When I've read to Lucy, it's been like it's own little world. I zone out and look at her as she gazes up. Abby turns the pages. This is where I'm at real peace. Nothing else in this world is as important as reading to this little angel every night. After I read to her while I held her on Tuesday, my eyes welled and the emotion rushed over me. I never knew this type of love could exist.

As far as Lucy's health goes, Abby's been on diaper duty. I said I'd start in on it when we got home and there were no ears to hear my frustration. Because there WILL be diaper frustration from my end. My mom told me my dad only changed my diaper one time. Abby's assured me I will beat his record. "Poopy" stinks, even when the culprit is only five pounds.

Tonight, I saw the look of concern pour over two men who came into the NICU to see their little boys. One was airlifted in from another hospital and the look of confusion was clearly apparent in the father's face. I know what he's feeling. It's a helpless one, but like we found assurance with how well the nurses were handling our Lucy, I know he'll find the same assurance with their little boy.

So Lucy is improving and only has the one drainage tube through her nose. I hate it. I don't like seeing her with anything coming out of her nose, mouth or chest. It's again, a helpless feeling to know you can't help any more than just being there, holding her, watching her grasp your finger with those tiny little hands. We're doing everything we can and the help of the nurses in the NICU is amazing. They are true professionals of their craft and we couldn't be this stable and strong without their assistance.

Lucy's starting to show a bit of personality. She's got some of my mannerisms, which could just be attributed to not having full control over her limbs or eyelids yet. I do this one eye open thing in the morning, Lucy seems to do it. The more I look at her, the more I try to understand life.

She's being fed more, but I can't wait until the next surgery (with hope and a little bit of fear) when she will finally be able to eat normally. She's being fed more and loves her little pacifier.

So she's doing great considering what she's already been through and will continue to go through. We're thankful for all the support. I'm sorry I haven't been able to return all the texts and Facebook messages, but we were so overrun with an outpouring of prayers, well wishes and compliments, it's been a little hard to take in.

We appreciate everyone's kindness during this time. Lucy's already shown she's a fighter and she's got a wicked kick ... just ask the night nurse. I'll have to keep an eye out for it when we get her home, because if I don't, that eye will be blackened!

So that's the update, on the eighth day of the best week of my life!

JB

One Week Old!

Baby Lucy is one week old today! I can hardly believe that it was a week ago already that she was born.

She is doing very well in the NICU. At the beginning of the week, it seemed like every day we visited she was having another tube or apparatus removed and we could see a little bit more of our little girl. She was able to have her ventilator removed earlier this week and was on straight oxygen for about a day but the stopped that as well so she is just breathing "room air" at the moment. The doctors said that her lungs have recovered well after her first surgery and they are confident that they are well developed at this point. The highlight for us was, of course, getting to hold her (finally!).

She had a CT scan yesterday to get a better look at her ventricles and the fluid on her brain. We will meet with doctors sometime over the next few days to review the results and discuss the action plan going forward for her stent surgery. They expect to be able to repeat the surgery to connect her esophagus and her stomach in 3 - 4 weeks.

In the meantime, we continue to wait (sometimes more patiently that other times!) and trust in God's ultimate plan for baby Lucy. We have been staying at home at night and driving to the hospital for a good portion of the day. Jason continues to split his time between work, the hospital and home. My parents have been here since Monday and it's been great to have them help get caught up at home and help us with the drive from the Springs to Denver.

As a sidenote, you may have heard of the Colorado Springs wildfires that have recently made headline news. We are safe, we have not been evacuated and are not in immediate danger of having the fire reach our house. In addition to our family, please keep the residents of Colorado Springs in your prayers and all of the firefighters and emergency personnel that are here to fight the fire.

Home

I was discharged from the hospital yesterday and spent the first night at home in 25 days. Leaving baby Lucy behind at the hospital was heartbreaking, even though we were "prepared" for it. I'm sure every day will be difficult to have to return home empty-handed but hopefully it will get better. Even though there is not much we can do for her, it is hard to feel like it is OK to be at home when she is in the hospital.

We live far enough away from the hospital to qualify for a stay in the Ronald McDonald House which is near the hospital. I'm sure we will stay there at some point, but right now we just wanted to be at home and return to some sort of routine (and eat food that is not prepared at the hospital or a restaurant!)

Lucy is doing well - she has had many of her tubes removed, most painful for her which was probably a chest tube that had been inserted between her ribs and her lungs. She has been fed through her feeding tube for the first time which will be immensely helpful for her digestive system, growth and overall development. The next few days will be all about rest and recovery for her as the doctors decide when she will be ready for her next surgeries. They have told us to expect a long stay in the hospital, but like everything up to this point, cannot tell us how long to expect to be here.

We continue to be amazed at the care and attention of the staff here at the hospital. It definitely takes a special calling to be a labor and delivery nurse, a neonatal pediatrician a surgeon, etc. They all have very different personalities but are so competent and caring we feel very comfortable with Lucy being in their care (in fact, I told Jason that I would probably cry less when we have to leave her if the nurses weren't so nice!)

We will continue to post updates on how Lucy is doing. Thank You for your continued prayers, interest and encouragement through this time.

Surgery Update

Lucy's first surgery is complete and she is doing well and receiving constant care back in the NICU. We just got back from visiting her and she looks great - although she now has even more tubes and monitors connected to her and she is very sleepy from the anesthesia.

The surgery was partially successful. They were able to clamp off the esophagus connection to the trachea and get the anus dilated to a "10." I am not sure what it should be at, but the doctor was happy with that number. However, there was too much space between the two parts of her esophagus so they were unable to connect the two parts. That means that she had to have a feeding tube inserted and that she will have to have a follow-up surgery when she is older to have the two parts connected. The thought is that the two parts will eventually grow closer to together and they will not have to be stretched as much as they would have at this point. We are not sure when that next surgery might be - but it sounds like several weeks away.

Lucy will have multiple ultrasounds over the next few days to determine the plan of action for her hydrocephalus and to look for any other issues that we may not have shown up in-utero.

Thank you for your messages and continued prayers. We will keep you posted on her progress, and even though we cannot speak with each of you individually, we are overwhelmed by your support. As you can imagine, Jason and I are on a bit of a rollercoaster ride of emotions as we deal with new diagnosis and see our little girl dealing with so much when she is so little.

She has arrived!

We are proud to announce the arrival of Lucy London Bryant, born June 21, 2012 at 5:13 am, weighing in at 5 lbs, 3 oz.

She's adorable (we may be slightly biased) and is already proving her strength to us and the doctors.

I'll write a quick overview of her Birth Story for those of you who are interested:

I woke up around midnight and felt my water break (impossible not to feel, considering how much fluid I had!). I called the nurse into my room and she confirmed that this was go time, so I called Jason, who had been at home and he got in the car to come up to Denver. I will spare you the details of the next few hours, but after about 5 hours, she arrived 3 1/2 weeks early!

Because of her known issues, she was quickly taken by the NICU team for evaluation so Jason didn't get to cut the cord or hold her. I got about 5 minutes with her before the took her to the NICU.

I had a bad reaction to some of the medicine that they gave me, so spent the morning trying to sleep but mostly throwing up and feeling genuinely miserable. (When people say mom and baby are doing great like an hour after birth, do they really mean it?)

We found out this afternoon that she has some unexpected complications. She has what is called Tracheo Esophageal Fistula (TEF), which means that her esophagus and trachea have formed together, so she is unable to swallow anything (explains my excess fluid) because her esophagus is not attached to her stomach. The only remedy for that is surgery, which she has been scheduled for at 7:30 tomorrow morning. Although she is on the small side for laparoscopic (minimally invasive) surgery, that will be the doctors first choice so they she will not have a large incision. Other, less serious conditions that do not require immediate medical attention, but that will impact her growth and development include a small hole in her heart, a large number of mucus plugs in her large intestines and an improperly formed anus. Her heart will be monitored over the next weeks and months to determine the impact of the hole, but nothing will be done immediately, as it may close on it's own. The mucus plugs in her large intestines will be looked at during the surgery tomorrow and Jason and I will be taught how to dilate her anus (doesn't that sound awful? Poor baby).

Her hydrocephalus issues will be addressed after the more immediate medical needs are taken care of this week.

We appreciate the love, support and prayers and will definitely keep you posted on Lucy's progress!

Bad movies ... and more waiting

The last four weeks (or however long it's been) have been a lesson in sleep deprivation, boredom and waiting. and waiting. and waiting.

When Abby was ultra commuting from Memphis to Minneapolis to Colorado Springs, I spent a lot of time in front of the computer and television watching some awful, awful movies.

There are some movies I will only watch when I'm bored (stupid comedy schlock, slasher films, any Police Academy film) and there are movies we will willingly watch together. This week, we've watched a few movies up at P/SL but while I've been home, I've been staying up late, watching some real gems.

Last night, there were two winners, both starring the legendary alpha male, Jean-Claude Van Damme -- Timecop and Street Fighter. Timecop is bearable. Stupid, but bearable. Street Fighter might rank up as one of the worst movies of all time.

Things I've also learned about not having Abby at home. I have an empty fridge.

When I was single, my fridge was meager, but never bare. Right now, it's bare. I haven't been shopping because it really isn't conducive to the cost vs. waste. I can't go to the store and get two days worth of food, because I'll ultimately end up eating crap fast food and letting the fridge stuff go bad.

Some of it might be nerves, not being able to sleep. In fact, the only time I've slept upstairs (in our room) since Abby was admitted to the hospital was when her mom and sisters were here. I don't know, maybe I just can't sleep up there without Abby being there.

This waiting thing has taken its toll on us both in different ways. I have to be grateful my job has allowed me to work remotely most of the time up in Denver. That's been a relief to not have to worry about sick days, vacation days, personal days, etc. They're all behind us and have been great.

I basically walk into work every day and say "still no baby."

In all of the waiting, one thing has been steady. Everyone's said Lucy's great. That's reassuring.

One thing is certain though, I don't know if I'll get back on a "normal" sleep schedule once Lucy gets here.

Now, it's on to Storage Wars reruns.

Still Waiting...

I think I commented in a previous post that the doctors set a "goal" of 36 weeks for us but I was pretty sure we would get to 36 weeks and they would set a new goal of 37 weeks. Well, I was right! Yesterday, we had an amnio to check for lung maturity and discovered that she is not ready yet (I'm not sure exactly how it can tell and there are many debates out there about whether or not it is an accurate test AND since my fluid levels are on the rise (yesterday, it was at 30), the numbers may have been skewed a bit. In any case, it is one of the best tests they have for telling if the baby is ready to be born and will be able to breathe on his/her own outside of mom).

Needless to say, Jason and I were disappointed. We have been waiting nearly 4 months to find out what the next steps are for baby Lucy and it feels really close - just not quite yet. Apparently, neurosurgeons are unimpressed by ultrasounds pre-birth and they want to get their hands on the baby to make a determination on when surgery is feasible. So, we continue to wait.

We had to give ourselves several pep talks yesterday to remind ourselves that this is not in our hands, or the hands of doctors but in God's hands - and really, we wouldn't want anyone else handling this situation!

I continue to be stable - my blood pressure is creeping up and my protein levels continue to be all across the board, but nothing drastic has come up in the past week. I have met many expectant moms, all here for a variety of reasons - even one surrogate who is pregnant with a baby for a couple in Switzerland!

The featured picture for the week is of the variety of freebies that I have gotten while being here - most of which came from the same organization that sponsors game night, craft night and Sundaes on Sunday here at the hospital. There is a wonderful organization in the Denver-area called Acts of Grace that has a passion for moms on bedrest. It was started by a mom who was pregnant with twins and was at this hospital, on bedrest for several weeks. She ultimately ended up losing one of the twins (Grace), and started Acts of Grace in her memory. For more information, check out http://www.actsofgracefoundation.org/.

Thank you for your continued emails, texts, Facebook messages, phone calls and cards. We so appreciate hearing from everyone and knowing that your prayers are with us.

Our new plan is to re-evaluate things next week. I, for one, cannot WAIT to announce Lucy's birth instead of continuing to blog about our continued wait...but it will come in HIS time, not mine!

Hospital "Shower"

Tonight will be my 12th night at the hospital. That is a lot of nights (and days!). No major baby updates since last week. She continues to do well and seems happy to stay inside. I continue to have signs of mild pre-eclampsia, but it has not progressed past mild. Right now, the doctors are telling us that we should expect to go to at least 36 weeks. However, based on what the told us when we first got here, I'm pretty sure that we'll get to 36 and they'll say we can expect to go to 37!

I was supposed to have a shower this weekend in Colorado Springs, but since I am in the hospital, we postponed it until later. However, my mom and sisters had already booked tickets from Minneapolis to come visit, so they were here for the weekend. It was so great to have visitors to break up some of the monotony of the long days here. We spent a lot of time visiting, eating take out and playing cards. However, it wasn't really fair to play cards with them when I was on a heart monitor - they claim they could tell when I had a good hand because my pulse would increase!

We had a mini-Shower at the hospital with "Shower Food" (ladies, you know what this is!), presents and lots of laughs. Big Kudos to Jason for chauffering his in-laws around town and dealing with 4 women in a small hospital room for the weekend. He did, however, get a repreive by attending the Rockies/Angels game on Sunday - good for him, bad for Colorado fans, his favorite time won!

When they were not at the hospital with me, my mom and sisters cleaned our house, washed a bunch of baby stuff for us and finished picking up the last items we needed for baby Lucy, which was a huge blessing to have taken care of. I miss them already, but they did leave behind a beautiful bouquet that brightens up the room (see picture).

Thank You for your continued support throughout this part of Lucy's journey...we could not get through it as easily as we have without all of you! Romans 12:12 is a constant reminder these days: "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."

One week on hospital bedrest - as slow as 4 weeks in the real world?

I have officially been in the hospital for a week! Before this, I could probably count on 2 hands how many times I had been to the hospital to visit family and friends and certainly had never been admitted myself. I am torn between hoping that we have Lucy TODAY and wanting to keep her in a few more weeks. Some have told us that one day inside saves 2 days in the NICU on the outside, so that motivates me to tough it out. However, I have not been prescribed any medication since I got here and my blood pressure and proteins have stabilized over the past few days, which makes me think I should either be able to go home, or we should just have her! I cannot imagine sitting in the hospital until I am full-term.

At this point, the doctors have told us that if my blood pressure gets too high (consistent 160s/100s), they will deliver and that the ultimate goal is not 40 weeks, but probably closer to 37 weeks. So, I guess we are looking at a maximum of 2 1/2 more weeks. I can handle anything for 18 days, right? At the beginning of this whole journey, we were so focused on Lucy and what her long-term prognosis will be that I have to remind myself to get back to that, since that is what is ultimately important.

Jason continues to split his time between the hospital and home so that he can work from his office part of the time and maintain our home responsibilities. Between cancelled work trips, road construction, hail storms and a laid-up wife, he may have higher blood pressure than me by the end of this!

I have been granted more independence since I've arrived. I am now allowed up to 2 hours of pool time a day, in the therapy pool, with other ladies also on bedrest. I can walk out of my room to the kitchen (5 doors down) and get ice and water. Jason can also take me on 2 30-minute wheelchair rides/day, as long as we stay on the hospital grounds. There is something very humbling about not being able to do very much for myself.

I have discovered that there are 4 women on our floor on bedrest right now and I have meet them all. All of our stories are different, but the expected outcome is the same - wait and see! I am the furthest along, so that is encouraging to all of us and as a group, we have begun to celebrate the daily milestone of still being pregnant together.

A HUGE thanks to USA Wrestling for the fun gift that Haley, Jaimie and Sonja dropped off for us yesterday (see picture at the top of the blog). It was great to have some visitors bring me lunch and interrupt the day for a bit.

Until next time...

The non-Abby viewpoint ...

I'd been resisting writing anything here for a number of weeks. Mainly it centered around my own emotional state when it comes to fatherhood and Lucy's condition.

A few weeks ago, I wrote a story on Olympian Jared Frayer for the upcoming issue of USA Wrestler Magazine, a publication my company puts out for its 180,000 members. Frayer, a 33-year-old from Clearwater, Fla., who was a two-time collegiate All-American at Oklahoma, told the story about his daughter, Khloe, and her condition - Down syndrome. While Lucy was in the clear for Down's, his story hit close to home. All the things he and his wife Nicole went through echoed what Abby and I were encountering as first-time parents.

Shortly before I wrote the story about Frayer, one of the local Colorado wrestling organizers told me his daughter was born with hydro. Thing is, they didn't know it until after she was born ... like six months after. What Jay told me was reassuring. His daughter is now 12 years old, and other than wearing glasses, she's just fine. This was something that calmed my worries. Lucy will be just fine. I believe that.

I work a lot, too much at times. As Abby said in her previous post, I was set to go to Akron to work a tournament, fly back on Monday, then turn around and work a major wrestling fundraiser in New York City. I'd be home about 12 hours during that nine day stretch.

I've tried to remain calm, confident and stable during this whole situation. As a soon-to-be parent, there's no limit to the thoughts that can pass through one's mind. Unfortunately, not all of them have been good. I guess that's part of human nature. Fortunately, I've maintained my composure. Tending to Abby in the hospital has helped with that.

Two weeks ago, I went in to the doc to get some meds to take care of the bronchitis I picked up while in Virginia. He prescribed me some blood pressure medication. It's been getting a workout with all the trips up to Denver, even before Abby was checked into the hospital.

I can sleep anywhere, but today I started getting that crabby cabin fever from being in a very sterile room for four days. What doesn't help matters is some of the major streets in Denver were closed off for a weekend festival, which made a normal two-mile trip around town to pick up dinner an 30-45 minute ordeal. They don't make GPS devices with buttons that say "pick another route, this road is closed."

I'm so sick of "recalculating."

I came home tonight. I'm going to wash some clothes, because my bag, already packed for Akron, had exhausted its clean clothes. I'll wash some of Abby's things and run into the office in the morning, make sure my coworkers have the necessary equipment to run the event in NYC (Times Square, big time!), but then drop by Dish, pick up some things for Abby and then camp out again at the hospital.

We've been told so many things from the nurses and docs, it's made my mind spin without any signs of stopping. I mean, we could have a baby tomorrow, or this weekend. Some of my coworkers have set up a baby shower this coming weekend for Abby -- this was of course before any of these hospital "visits" were scheduled.

I've been pretty quiet about this entire thing. My side of the family wasn't entirely in the loop with what was going on with Lucy, but since my talk with Jay about his daughter, I've been a bit more open, but this is not easy, as I'm sure you folks can understand.

For as much as I talk with Abby about how we're feeling as a marital unit and our relationship, I really keep my emotions hidden. You might be able to see it on my face, but I really don't open up too much. We were keeping the baby thing off Facebook, which we did for six months, until the care package arrived from Abby's awesome friends.

I realize I'm rambling, but all I can do is continue to try to remain positive, rub Abby's feet, laugh at her hospital-issue bathing suit and keep myself occupied with Abby and addicting games on Facebook.

I was occupied with work this weekend, even though I didn't make the trip and that sometimes helped my sanity, and in other cases, added to the agitation of not being in control of my own world. Well, that's life, right?

Abby's been great through all this. They keep asking her the same questions, but her spirits remain up. Little Lucy won't wait until July, that much is certain.

"Oh the places you will go ..."

JB

Blogging from the Hospital

Unfortunately, I've been admitted to the hospital for observation. The good news is that the baby is doing great - we have made it to 34 weeks (at least we will tomorrow!)

I had my 33 week appointment on Tuesday and my blood pressure was up, so they did some additional labs to test for pre-eclampsia. On Wednesday night, I got a call from the doctor's office telling me I was positive for mild pre-eclampsia and would have to come in on Thursday morning for additional blood pressure checks and that I needed to STOP WORKING IMMEDIATELY (now, those of you who know me know how difficult that was for me to hear...I mean, I still have a few weeks to wrap stuff up, right?!?!?!)

To further complicate matters, Jason was scheduled to leave for Akron, OH on Thursday morning. Since we did not know what would happen at my visit on Thursday, we decided to move his flight to later in the afternoon in order to give us some to figure out if he needed to stay in town.

At the doctor's office, they quickly monitored my blood pressure and made the decision to admit me to he hospital for observation. They sort of recommended we go directly to the hospital, but since it is an hour away from our home and we hadn't packed anything for an overnight stay, we decided to go home first, get lunch, pack, clean the house, return library books, etc. It ended up being a very good choice, as we haven't been back there since!

Basically, since Thursday night, I've been on constant monitoring for blood pressure, which hovers around 150/90 during the day and drops to low/normal ranges at night. I have also had my proteins checked, which are around 4.5 grams. 300mg is considered an acceptable range, 301mg - 5g is mild pre-eclamptic and over 5g is considered severe pre-eclampsia. High protein levels is an indication that your kidneys are not functioning properly. Beyond elevated blood pressure and protein levels - I do not have any other symptoms and in general feel really good. I have had 2 steroid shots, which are intended less for me and more for the baby, to help her lungs develop quicker.

At this point, they do not think I will go home until the baby is delivered - which could be a few days, or a few weeks, but doctors are thinking a few days is more realistic at this point.

Jason has been a major trooper so far - getting me constant ice water and take-out food, sleeping on the hospital pull-out bed and giving me foot rubs. I don't know how I would stay entertained without him here.

As with every situation during this pregnancy, we have met some other parents and heard other stories of what is going on with other patients and are reminded how fortunate we are to be this far along in the pregnancy and have a seemingly happy baby so far.

We so appreciate your prayers and support as we strive to stay sane and reminded of God's plan for us and little Lucy during this time.