The line from the legendary Beatles track has been in my head all day. Other songs have been in my head, but that isn't anything new when you consider how spastic my mind can be.
Today was Lucy's eighth day on this earth and it's been a real blessing to look over her little face, with a cute dimple on her right cheek and just wonder what her life will be filled with.
As Abby said the other day, Lucy had a CT scan on Wednesday and we found out this morning that the condition we only knew about before her birth has not been a major factor. It's been a real relief to know her hydrocephalus hasn't progressed and she doesn't need surgery now or in the immediate future. However, she might eventually need to have the shunt implanted later on, so we'll be keeping a watchful eye on how the fluid in her little head accumulates.
For Abby and I, this was a huge relief, not a total weight off our shoulders, but it takes one potential problem out of the picture, at least for a few months.
Five years ago, I never thought I'd end up getting married, let alone have a child who will depend on my care. I always wanted to get married and have kids, but the thought of it really did frighten me. This is why Abby, the rock that she is, has been the best person to share my life with.
Her parents came in on Monday and left today. They didn't seem like they wanted to leave. Harv, the normally mustached father-in-law, was tall and quiet as he watched Lucy in her little crib in the NICU. We still think it might be a number of weeks before we get to bring her home. I'm ballparking after I return from the Olympics in London.
We've started reading to her during the night care. Tonight, we're staying at the Ronald McDonald House a few blocks from the hospital. This place really caters to parents and the issues that arise with pregnancy. This place is nothing short of remarkable. This is definitely a charity we will be donating to in the future.
When I've read to Lucy, it's been like it's own little world. I zone out and look at her as she gazes up. Abby turns the pages. This is where I'm at real peace. Nothing else in this world is as important as reading to this little angel every night. After I read to her while I held her on Tuesday, my eyes welled and the emotion rushed over me. I never knew this type of love could exist.
As far as Lucy's health goes, Abby's been on diaper duty. I said I'd start in on it when we got home and there were no ears to hear my frustration. Because there WILL be diaper frustration from my end. My mom told me my dad only changed my diaper one time. Abby's assured me I will beat his record. "Poopy" stinks, even when the culprit is only five pounds.
Tonight, I saw the look of concern pour over two men who came into the NICU to see their little boys. One was airlifted in from another hospital and the look of confusion was clearly apparent in the father's face. I know what he's feeling. It's a helpless one, but like we found assurance with how well the nurses were handling our Lucy, I know he'll find the same assurance with their little boy.
So Lucy is improving and only has the one drainage tube through her nose. I hate it. I don't like seeing her with anything coming out of her nose, mouth or chest. It's again, a helpless feeling to know you can't help any more than just being there, holding her, watching her grasp your finger with those tiny little hands. We're doing everything we can and the help of the nurses in the NICU is amazing. They are true professionals of their craft and we couldn't be this stable and strong without their assistance.
Lucy's starting to show a bit of personality. She's got some of my mannerisms, which could just be attributed to not having full control over her limbs or eyelids yet. I do this one eye open thing in the morning, Lucy seems to do it. The more I look at her, the more I try to understand life.
She's being fed more, but I can't wait until the next surgery (with hope and a little bit of fear) when she will finally be able to eat normally. She's being fed more and loves her little pacifier.
So she's doing great considering what she's already been through and will continue to go through. We're thankful for all the support. I'm sorry I haven't been able to return all the texts and Facebook messages, but we were so overrun with an outpouring of prayers, well wishes and compliments, it's been a little hard to take in.
We appreciate everyone's kindness during this time. Lucy's already shown she's a fighter and she's got a wicked kick ... just ask the night nurse. I'll have to keep an eye out for it when we get her home, because if I don't, that eye will be blackened!
So that's the update, on the eighth day of the best week of my life!
JB
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